Do you put other peoples needs before your own?

A few years ago, I was having an unusually deep and meaningful conversation with a very close friend. She shared some of the frustrations she was having with someone we both love and care deeply for. I listened and acknowledged what I had heard her saying. Later in the conversation, I mentioned that I was also getting some push back from this same person. I shared that I felt manipulated and that I was working to change the dynamic by telling this person that I felt love for them and that I often felt that I had to put my feelings and needs aside to make “peace”. I stated that I wanted a relationship with them I wanted a more balanced relationship. I felt physically sick and for the first time in my life I was aware that I felt anger. ANGER. I wasn’t familiar or comfortable with this feeling. I wanted to stick to my boundaries. She suggested I do as the other person wanted so things wouldn’t be “difficult”. Without thinking, I said “why are this other persons feelings and needs more important than mine?” “Why would you suggest I do this?” My friend was silent. so quiet that I asked if she was still on the on the line. After what seemed like 5 minutes, she said yes and then she said “Lisa, I’m sorry…I never thought of it that way before”.

For, what seemed like my entire life, I believed that I was happy to “go along” because I “liked everyone and everything”. But at that moment, I realized that was no longer true. It may never have been true. Isn’t that strange and beautiful? This was the beginning of something that has become more and more important to me. I am now an explorer searching for my own, very personal, truth.