Ever feel like a “French Press"?

I’m in San Miguel, Mexico on purpose. With purpose. I try to set an “intention” for each of my trips. My intention while here is to: spend time alone, to be outdoors, read, listen to music, move my body and most importantly, to invite and allow myself to become more deeply familiar with who I truly am.

I’ve had many conversations with myself about the stories others have told me, what I believe is true, what I want to nurture, what I want to change and how I will go about doing that. One afternoon, after some time of quiet (meditation) a vision came to me. It was almost like a public service announcement, and it was me, my body, as a a french press. Numerous thoughts and feelings flooded my mind/body and what I came away with was something like this: I have taken conflict, discomfort, anger, sadness, frustration, mistrust (basically any “bad” feelings) and pressed them down so deep in my psyche that they became like old compressed coffee grounds, deep inside me. Having these “grounds” pressed down so deeply that they did not “pollute” my thoughts gave me the false illusion of clarity and emotional wellbeing. When I realized this, it was very painful. Then so many, many things became more clear. I haven’t fully cleaned out the French Press but I have had visions of these grounds turning to shadows or dark steam and I’ve watched them rise up out of me like a hot air balloon lifting off the ground. I feel much more buoyant and am open to and ready to go deeper.